Saturday, October 22, 2011

Inspiration Found


Often times it takes others words to inspire us.  But mostly to help us make sense of the madness in our minds.  I have quotes, ripped out sentenences from magazines, newsletters cut up (Thank you Bill Robinson), and other written materials in pieces around my life because you never know where inspiration or contentment will strike.  I saw contentment because that is really what it is; the overwhelming peace that can be found when everything just makes sense.  It's a feeling of peace, rest, and reassurance.  Well here is one of those pieces of contentment in my life, a part of Another Mother Runner's blog that spoke to me and made senses of well my insanity.  

As hard as it is for me to admit, I am not o.k. with downtime. I have a hard time embracing the space, when it appears, in my life. I feel most alive when I’m striving, feeling stressed, under the gun and needing to produce. Give me fourteen things to do, and 24 hours to do them in, and I might complain or become just a little bit of a martyr, but I’ll get them all done–and feel jubilant that I did. Give me a random, quiet Wednesday, when I can just chill, maybe read, and not answer 40 e-mails and maybe just be fine with that? Don’t feel so alive–or even very good, if I’m being honest.
To make another analogy, I feel like I’m stuck in one of those like those really awkward, hard poses in yoga, when a lithe, beautiful instructor tells me to just “breathe into” the places that are tight. As far as I can tell, I have never been able to direct my breath to my tight hamstrings, my aching back, or some ligament I never knew I had until I pretzel’ed myself up. I just pant as deeply as I can, and I hang there and hang there and pretend like I don’t feel like I’m about to snap in half, until finally, I release from the pose. No wonder yoga never feels easier to me.

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